Different Types of Orgasms

This is an article that I wrote for Glamour Magazine – glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/orgasm-types

The ancient belief was that the only purpose of sex was to procreate with your ideal partner and ensure the survival of the human race. Since then, we have come to realise that sex is a hugely important form of connection and can be fun.

For the male, the physical purpose of orgasm is to create the muscle contractions to shoot the semen as far up the female vagina as possible to maximise their chances of engaging with their egg mates. For the female, the purpose of the orgasm is scientifically unproven.

I believe that the original purpose of both male and female orgasms was to make the sexual act highly enjoyable. This was so that we would want to engage in what could be seen as a rather odd act of inserting an appendage into a hole and doing some wiggling and grunting! We now have many years of development and are much more aware of what is desirable and can be pleasurable.

It also used to be, incorrectly and arrogantly, claimed that Humans were the only species who had orgasms. Maybe someone should tell that to male pigs as their orgasms last, on average 30 minutes (and that is with a man in a white coat and stopwatch timing them) and as long as 90 minutes.

The traditional story shown in many films is of hunky male having long sex with beautiful female. They both come to a concurrent shuddering climax and then lie back on their bed, smoking a smugly satisfied cigarette. It is difficult for real people to emulate that as concurrent climaxes are rare and cigarette smoking is less socially acceptable!

What are the different types of orgasm? Most of the focus has been on the source of the orgasm rather than how it feels and what the journey is like getting there. I also find it fascinating that couples rarely talk about their love making, how they feel about it and what would make it even better. They often feel too embarrassed to talk about this hugely important part of their life and assume their partner can mind read their desires.

When the focus is on the destination of an orgasm rather than the journey of connection, arousal, and mutual satisfaction then we are in danger of disappointment. If we are looking at which bits of the body to stimulate rather than what we are thinking and how we are feeling, we are missing out on even deeper pleasure.

Is this a journey of self-pleasure on our own or are we sharing the journey? If we are on our own we have more chance of finding the right physical spot. If we are with a partner in pleasure, we may need to give them guidance on what feels physically right and can have a much deeper and more collaborative emotional journey.

For a male it is assumed that the only real source of orgasm is from stimulation of the penis. For the female there are several possible physical sources and types of orgasm:

Clitoral stimulation: This is the female version of the penis and becomes engorged and sensitive when aroused.

G Spot: This is the mystery place that many men need a map and a torch to find.

A spot (just beneath the cervix): This is a newly discovered and labelled bundle of nerves with an erotic function.

O spot (at the back wall of the vagina): The same story as the A spot.

Nipple: The breasts and nipples are major erogenous zones and some women can orgasm just through touching of this area.

Anal: The anus is very close to the vagina and clitoris and share many of the same nerves and muscles so anal stimulation can create an orgasm.

Blended: A cocktail of several physical and emotional stimuli can create a wonderfully intense orgasm.

Squirting orgasm: Some women, when highly aroused will emit fluid from the urethral glands on orgasm.

Coregasm: Women can reach orgasm from intense, core-based workouts.

Sleep: Wet dreams are common in pubescent boys and can also happen when women have erotic dreams.

Music: Music can be a real turn on; it can create tingles down the spine and stimulate erotic thoughts and sensations.

Multiple: These are possible for women, if they want to build from the first orgasm rather than believe it is all over. For men it is rare but also possible if they can hold back from Ejaculating and hold onto the high.

The first stage to achieve an orgasm is desire or arousal. This can be slow and sensuous or fast and furious. The most important organ in an orgasm is the brain. This plays a much larger part in the journey than any other body part as it generates the initial desire, decides which tunes the body parts are playing and delivers the orgasm. The brain is receiving a wide range of signals which it tries to build into a pattern and decide if these make erotic sense. These senses include:

Sight: What are we seeing and is this arousing us. Do we like candles and soft light, darkness or see everything?

Sounds: What can we hear and is this appropriate. Does music play a part?

Smells: These can be aphrodisiacs, think vanilla, jasmine, rose and others

Touch: This has the strongest impact and one that can be varied and different tunes played on the journey

Tastes: The taste of someone’s skin and fluids can be incredibly erotic.

Memories: What conscious and subconscious memories are being engaged and do these take us to a good place or hold us back?

Thoughts: What are we thinking and how strong is our attention? If we are distracted and writing a shopping list in our head, then the orgasm may be reduced or non-existent. If we are truly present and in the moment, we are much more likely to have a great orgasm.

Connection: If we are having sex with another person, how strongly are we feeling connected to them. If we are not, then it will be transactional sex. If we feel truly connected to them at all emotional levels then it will be making love and the orgasm is likely to be even deeper.

So, in summary:

• Explore your own body and find what you like so that you can understand what works for you and what is a turn off.
  
• Decide, in the moment, what you would really like and, if you are doing this with a partner, make sure they are fully with you on this journey.
  
• Get your head in the right place to feel aroused using whatever senses you need.
  
• Test, give feedback and adjust.
  
• Enjoy the journey!