Relationship Counselling

Relationship Counselling

CRISIS


We are in real crisis. Things are so bad that I can’t see a way forward. Mayday, Mayday!

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AFFAIR / BETRAYAL


I have just discovered about an affair or betrayal. I feel shocked, angry, hurt and just don’t know what to do.

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DRIFTED APART


We started off so well but over the years, life, children and work have distracted us from our own relationship. We have drifted apart and need help in getting close to each other and heading in the same direction.

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A NEW CHAPTER


We have decided that the gap between is too large and we need to go in different directions. We want to part as amicably as possible and protect family, friends and children. We also want to celebrate what was good in our past and learn what we need to do differently in future relationships.

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A CLEAN START


We are newly in love and both have had difficult past relationships. We want to learn what we need to from those and to have a clean start in our new relationship together.

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RELATIONSHIP COACHING


Our relationship is OK but we want more. We want to make it really wonderful again.

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What’s the problem? We can help with relationship counselling …

What’s the latest?

gestures

5 Ways to Make Small Gestures Count in Your Marriage

According to a new study by researchers at Penn State University, you don’t need grand gestures to show your partner love. In fact, this team found that small gestures, such as hugging, holding hands, and regular acts of kindness all top the list of how most Americans report feeling loved and appreciated.
December 6, 2019/by aleks

Building a Great Sex Life is not Rocket Science!

authors Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz, and James Witte conducted an online study with 70,000 people in 24 countries. They were curious about what might be different about couples who said that they had a great sex life, compared to couples who said that they had a bad sex life. Even with the limitations of self-report data, there are some fascinating implications of their results.
November 25, 2019/by aleks

Be Kind to Each Other

One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to be nice to your partner when you’re upset with them. It’s also one of the most important moments to be kind. Dr. Gottman’s research shows that couples who start arguments gently are more likely to manage conflict effectively, without harming the relationship.
November 18, 2019/by aleks

5 Ways to Make Small Gestures Matter

Small gestures, such as hugging, holding hands, and regular acts of kindness all top the list of how most Americans report feeling loved and appreciated.
November 11, 2019/by aleks

Stop Trying to Fix Your Partners Feelings

One of our deepest needs as humans is to feel understood, and true understanding is not possible without empathy. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mould you, it feels damn good!”
November 2, 2019/by aleks

Psychology Finally Reveals the Answer to Finding Your Soulmate

We all as social creatures have a deep and underlying desire to find that one perfect person to spend the rest of our days with. That one person when you meet, you feel an uncontrollable attraction to and an illogical sense of familiarity with. As if you’ve known that person for a lifetime, or perhaps lifetimes.
October 19, 2019/by aleks
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Articles & Testimonials

  • 5 Ways to Make Small Gestures Count in Your Marriage

    According to a new study by researchers at Penn State University, you don’t need grand gestures to show your partner love. In fact, this team found that small gestures, such as hugging, holding hands, and regular acts of kindness all top the list of how most Americans report feeling loved and appreciated.

    Read more
  • Building a Great Sex Life is not Rocket Science!

    authors Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz, and James Witte conducted an online study with 70,000 people in 24 countries. They were curious about what might be different about couples who said that they had a great sex life, compared to couples who said that they had a bad sex life. Even with the limitations of self-report data, there are some fascinating implications of their results.

    Read more
  • Be Kind to Each Other

    One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to be nice to your partner when you’re upset with them. It’s also one of the most important moments to be kind. Dr. Gottman’s research shows that couples who start arguments gently are more likely to manage conflict effectively, without harming the relationship.

    Read more
  • 5 Ways to Make Small Gestures Matter

    Small gestures, such as hugging, holding hands, and regular acts of kindness all top the list of how most Americans report feeling loved and appreciated.

    Read more
  • Stop Trying to Fix Your Partners Feelings

    One of our deepest needs as humans is to feel understood, and true understanding is not possible without empathy. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mould you, it feels damn good!”

    Read more
  • Psychology Finally Reveals the Answer to Finding Your Soulmate

    We all as social creatures have a deep and underlying desire to find that one perfect person to spend the rest of our days with. That one person when you meet, you feel an uncontrollable attraction to and an illogical sense of familiarity with. As if you’ve known that person for a lifetime, or perhaps lifetimes.

    Read more
  • Conflict and Dreams

    So, what causes conflict? A lot of things. As Dr. Gottman’s research has shown, however, most relationship conflict (especially gridlocked conflict) finds its roots in unfulfilled dreams. These are feelings of frustration and resentment that partners feel towards one another when their hopes and goals for the future are not being respected or honoured.

    Read more
  • 8 Conversations that are really important in Relationships

    Some conversations matter more than others in relationships.
    You connect and fall in love by talking. But what conversations should you have with your partner to know if your love will last—through challenges, surprises, joy, and pain?

    Read more
  • It begins with ‘S’ and rhymes with ‘lorry’

    We find it can become a point of contention if one partner doesn't ever apologise when the other does. Here are some strategies for defusing this:
    Do you find it hard to say sorry, or to have your apologies accepted? These tips should help.

    Read more
  • Look at Your Partner through Rose Tinted Glasses

    When you started going out with your partner, you probably had glowing things to say about them. You noticed every gesture (flowers for no reason!) and every sweet compliment. Fast forward a few years, you both may have collected hurtful emotional bumps and bruises along the way, making it hard to focus on the good things.

    Read more
  • Daily bickering can bring love to a marriage?

    A happily married couple for 70 years in Britain has revealed their secret of marital bliss -- "have a blazing row every day".

    Read more
  • I’m Sorry

    Apologising is a great way to repair conflict in relationships.

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  • Turning Against Part 2

    Dr. Gottman's research about the true causes of much of the behaviour we described – the real reasons for which your partner may "turn against" you, lash out unexpectedly, or say things that they don't really mean. We share this information with you in hopes that it will help you to learn the ways in which you can manage conflict constructively. We would like, in short, to offer you help in coping with the most trying interactions in your relationship.

    Read more
  • Turning Against – The Relationship Killer

    These venoms, with which you can poison your relationship, can all be characterised as ways of “turning against” each other’s bids for emotional connection. We do this in the hope that the examples below will allow you to recognise these behaviours in your interactions with your partner, allowing you to catch and learn to reverse these toxic patterns of behaviour in order to stop them from causing serious damage to your relationship.

    Read more
  • Have you ever wondered why we get angry?

    According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, “emotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us.”
    In his book Emotional Intelligence, Goleman tells us that anger causes blood to flow to our hands, making it easier for us to strike an enemy or hold a weapon. Our heart rate speeds up and a rush of hormones—including adrenaline—create a surge of energy strong enough to take “vigorous action.”

    Read more
  • Managing v. Resolving Conflict in Relationships

    Dr. John Gottman’s research proves that 69% of problems in a relationship are unsolvable. These may be things like personality traits your partner has that rub you the wrong way, or long-standing issues around spending and saving money.

    Read more
  • Conventional Marriage Wisdom is Wrong

    Marriage is one of the oldest social, economic, religious and legal institutions in the world, and there’s no shortage of opinions on what makes it work. But much of the conventional wisdom is not based on evidence, and some is just wrong. After researching thousands of couples for more than 40 years at The Gottman Institute, these are some of the myths that have been encountered most often.

    Read more
  • What does Marriage Look Like Today?

    Helen Mirren says sex isn’t essential to a lasting union. But can happiness prevail without it? I can’t remember which relationships counsellor it was - it could have been the second we went to, or it might have been the third - who told us we were setting too much store by sex.

    Read more
  • No Sex?

    Helen Mirren says sex isn’t essential to a lasting union. But can happiness prevail without it? I can’t remember which relationships counsellor it was - it could have been the second we went to, or it might have been the third - who told us we were setting too much store by sex.

    Read more
  • 15 Things Every Couple Must Discuss Before Getting Married

    An article by Wendy Atterberry who writes the Dear Wendy Colum in the USA. Some good, practical advice, in particular I love the thoughts on Ikea:
    I've been writing an advice column in some shape or form for close to 10 years now, and I can say with confidence that at least 75 percent of the letters I receive from married people are about issues that could have been avoided if the couples had better communicated their expectations about married life before tying the knot.

    Read more
  • Vulnerability, Shame and Brené Brown

    You may not have heard of Brené Brown, an American researcher who has done a couple of excellent TED Talks. So here's why I'm mentioning her here.She has found an intentional connection between love and belonging, and now recognises as fact that 'A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all women, men and children.'

    Read more
  • 7 Signs You are in an Authentic Relationship

    One of their main focuses is to see you happy, freed from restrictions, and using your highest potential in order to achieve your desires. This partner may gently push you ‘out there’ because he or she sees your potential and wants to see you shine. This partner encourages you on a daily basis and tenderly shifts your focus from ‘I am not good enough’ to ‘I can do it’.

    Read more
  • Love Your Phone?

    If you had to make a choice, would you choose your phone or your partner? Do you love your phone more than your partner? I know you’re going to say “no”, because I would, too, but I’d be lying, and so are you. My boyfriend and I spent last night, as we spend many nights, sitting on the sofa, our attention torn between each other, a Netflix original box set (Iron Fist, since you ask), my iPhone and his tablet . . . ah, but when I describe our attention as being “torn”, it wasn’t. Not really. Not at all.

    Read more
  • The Misery of a Sexless Marriage

    No one likes to think they’re having less sex than their married friends. And Alex, 45, a graphic designer from Surrey, is acutely aware that when he and his wife, Kate, 47, laugh and flirt on nights out, friends assume they’re “going home to go to bed together”.

    Read more
  • I wasn’t treating my husband fairly, and it wasn’t fair

    Here's a blog posted by Miss Fran Jan San on Reddit. It was shared on Facebook, and is one of the few relationship posts that I have seen that attracted only male responses. I have come across cases where this behaviour has applies to men as well, but as MissFranJanSan points out, it is so common that women do this that it has become a stereotype.

    Read more
  • Married AND Successful Work Partners

    For many it provides added advantages, while for others the consequences are dire. One key ability is that of transitioning – often many times a day – between 'personal' and 'business'.Those who've proved themselves capable as individuals before starting a business together are likely to do better.

    Read more
  • Pay Attention for Passion’s Sake

    I watch the couple on my couch and smile. Jane tilts her head and nods thoughtfully as Stephen speaks. She reaches out with a finger and touches his inner wrist, cuing him that she’d like to reply. I am watching a different version of the pair who first came to me in such distress, on the verge of divorce.

    Read more
  • Forgiveness

    Recent studies have shown that forgiveness is an essential component of successful romantic relationships. In fact, the capacity to seek and grant forgiveness is one of the most significant factors contributing to marital satisfaction and a lifetime of love.

    Read more
  • 40 Days Of Dating

    This is an extraordinary experiment. The blogs are rich in discovery.  Worth a read, even if you never intend to go out with your best friend, simply because it gives so many clues about getting to know one another.  And that is what so many couples have lost with the attrition of life.

    Read more
  • Repairs

    All couples argue. This is a fact supported by decades of research. As a same-sex couple, however, we are faced with unique cultural and social stressors which can result in external tensions spilling over into our marriage.

    Read more
  • 6 Hours a Week to a Better Relationship

    All of your relationship problems cannot be solved by reading a book. With that said, learning what distinguishes happy couples from unhappy ones can change the course of how you and your partner love each other.

    Read more
  • Do You Get All the Hugs You Need?

    5 Reasons Why Hugging is the Best Form Of Communication

    Hugging is among the most amazing things we could ever give another person. Hugging is a form of therapy in itself.

    Read more
  • Put Down Your Phone: Why Presence Is the Best Gift You’ll Ever Give

    Many of our clients, who have drifted apart over many years, have communication problems. They often spend too little time being with each other talking about the things that are important and life enhancing to them.

    Read more
  • Rituals of Connection

    In his book The Intentional Family, Bill Doherty discusses “rituals of connection” as an important tool for successful relationships. A ritual of connection is a way of regularly turning towards your partner that can be counted on.

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  • Sex can be an uncomfortable topic for couples

    Many of us feel embarrassed about our bodies or have been sexually rejected at some point.

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  • Couples’ therapy: the Obamas do it and so do we

    Think counselling is just for rocky marriages? Wrong. Ben and Marina Fogle say it helps them to communicate better.

    Read more
  • Robots Give Better Hugs

    They are an important part of connection with our loved ones. It is said that we need 4 Hugs a day for survival, 8 for maintenance and 12 for Growth.

    Read more
  • I Don’t Fancy My Husband

    The longer you have been in a relationship, the less sex you have, and it has nothing to do with age. The steepest decline occurs in the first 12 months of a relationship

    Read more
  • Is Self Love The Way To True Love ?

    With Valentine's Day rapidly approaching I am bombarded with reminders of love; Moonpig cards, bouquets of roses, romantic dinners for two and then there's the chocolate.

    Read more
  • 10 Questions to Keep Your Relationship Alive

    Do you remember what it was like when your relationship started ? The stream of non-stop texting, the late-night conversations that will make you starry-eyed

    Read more
  • Your Phone Could Stop Arguments?

    Researchers at the University of Southern California are developing an app that will suggest a time-out if it detects couples starting an argument.

    Read more
  • Raising Teenagers!

    Slammed doors, bad moods and hours lost staring at their smartphone? Expert Ian Williamson explains how to deal with your child

    Read more

“From the first session we knew we were making real progress.  We have had a big journey in a short time and if we hadn’t come to you we would have split up. Thank you for all you have done. We are both feeling much calmer and happier.”

“We have tried lots of counsellors before and got nowhere. We saw you as the last chance to fix our relationship of over 20 years. We now know that we have a real chance of making it work.”

“To the dynamic duo that is you Neil….and lovely lovely Maria…..I just had to send a quick email to say a huge thank you to both of you for our first amazing session last night…..you’ve given us more than anyone else has ever been able to do…..and most of all …..a lot of hope that we can do this……with your support…. ”

“Money well spent, you do so much more than any other counsellors have been able to. The quality of what you do is exceptional.”

“It is massively beneficial to have both a male and a female counselling us at the same time”

“When shopping around for counselling, 95% demanded weekly sessions at specific times, and were totally inflexible. You can give us the flexibility we need, and besides which, I like the idea that Duo Coaching is a man and a woman.”

“The knowledge that we can email and phone you between sessions to get your support is incredibly helpful and makes us feel really supported.”

“I have never felt quite so safe and able to open up with anyone as I did with you both. You had an amazing understanding which gave me comfort and strength. You’ve been so kind – thank you.”

“The journey is still tough but it is so much easier when there is a safe place to talk, to share and not shout or be shouted at.”

“When we found ourselves at a crossroads in our marriage, you taught us how to be honest and open with each other and, with the utmost sensitivity, encouraged us to find the right path.”

“We liked the unique service of two of you working with two of us. From Day 1 the journey has turned into a positive one rather than negative. You are both very skilled but in different ways.”

“Duo Coaching has saved our life together. From the first distraught phone conversation, and in Duo Coaching sessions over the last few months, you have helped us rebuild our shattered marriage and learn a great deal about ourselves, both as individuals, and as a couple.”

“We have learned a HUGE amount during our time with you – the ability to talk and actually connect with one another is something that was vitally missing from our relationship and not something that any previous counselling has ever managed to help us with. “

“We are both hugely grateful for the support and advice and help you have given us to get us through what has been a miserably tough time. We now feel ready to move forward with the tools you have given us.”

“The skilful and thoughtful sessions we had with you have enabled us to clearly move forward. I have a genuine feeling that I have my old and truly wonderful wife back – the one I close to destroyed and I feel grateful, relieved and unduly fortunate.”

“I can’t imagine what would have happened had we not had the intervention you brought. Thank you. Both”

“We have never been happier. We are stronger than we ever have been. We are totally in love.  Thank you.”

“There is now real empathy between us. I can now be much more open about my emotions and know that I will be supported. I can enjoy, laugh and take the rough with the smooth.”

“This is the first time in years that we have bared all. Without this, we wouldn’t be in a relationship at all. The balance of the future is now much greater than to the past.”

“Before we would have screamed and shouted at each other; now we are talking like grown ups. We are now in a really positive place and I know we’ll never go back to how things were in the past.”

“I am much more happy and having really positive experiences at home; I am really wanting to come home and see my wife rather than dreading it.”

“Thank you so very much for your incredible insight, sensitivity and intelligent guidance.”

“Having met you, we knew that we were in safe hands and had made the right decision.”

“We feel we’ve entered a new and all together more positive phase of our lives and I thank you again for helping us get here.”

“My life and our lives are so much better for working with you. It has made such a significant difference to us.”

“We chose you because I knew there would be an end in six sessions.  Now we’ve reached the end I realise they’ve gone amazingly quickly.”

“We’re now talking in the way that we were never able to do in our lives. After just three sessions with you: We have just had the best holiday that we’ve ever had. We have come a huge way. This is the beginning of our new life.
”

“After just one session we now know with real clarity what the fundamental issues are and are on the way to resolving them.”

“We appreciate the secure, calming, revealing, educational and problem solving sessions.”

“Your qualities include listening, firm but kind, versatile, able to adapt, genuinely caring, being outcome based to create real, practical results.”

“The first long offload session was essential, as we got everything out and ended up empty. From there we could move on. If we’d gone to traditional counselling we’d have still been offloading two months later.”

“If we had gone to conventional counselling we would have taken a longtime getting nowhere. It would have been tedious and my husband would have felt marginalised. This has worked wonderfully well for us.”

“We’ve had traditional Relationship Counselling before and now know that you get what you pay for.”

“You both have an amazing ability to help uncover the real reasons for our behaviours and actions without us feeling ‘bad’ about it. ”

“ I’ve never ever felt as good as I have done in the last week. I felt really good when I first came here and I knew we were in safe hands.”

“The first time we came here we learned so much. We would never ever have worked this out ourselves.”

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