The betrayed partner:
My partner has cheated on me and I’m deeply unhappy. I can’t believe that our promises and our life together is of so little value that this has happened. Finding out about this affair is so hurtful to our relationship. I’m shocked, confused and angry. I don’t know what to do. I want to hit back, or know all the sordid details, or I want to run away and hide, sometimes all at once. I feel so raw, and a fool.
What does the future hold for me now? We need relationship counselling to sort this out, because with all the crying and shouting, we can’t do it by ourselves.
Or perhaps the affair was a long time ago. Maybe there have been a series of liaisons over the years. I just can’t trust my partner. The hurt and bitterness stays with me. Yet something makes this the right time to sort out the damage done with.
Perhaps the affair partner is still in our lives. It’s really hard to bear. Please help.
From the betrayer’s point of view:
I did it, and I bitterly regret it. Perhaps I have no idea about why.
Or I do know exactly why, and in some ways I don’t regret what I’ve done, although I am sorry for the pain caused. Yet I do want my relationship to survive…. (I think).
Or, OK so I did it but it’s in the past now. I’ve said I’m sorry. Why can’t it be left at that? Maybe I know why I did it, or perhaps I don’t, but I do want to stay in this relationship. Or at least I did – I know the future has to be different, but we’re just going round in painful circles, and I’m beginning to wonder if this is really what I want. Only robust relationship coaching will get us through this one.
We will work with you through this very difficult period to create clarity about what you both want and to help you achieve this. Dealing with the hurt and rebuilding trust is essential. The betrayed partner needs to be able to express all their emotions and to discover all they need to know about the affair in a safe space.
We also focus on what was good in your relationship and what was lacking. Most of our clients discover that the affair came out of a background where their needs were not being met in the relationship. Although the affair is a horribly traumatic way of bringing this to light, we find that our couples will often use this as an opportunity to create a new and better relationship with each other; one that meets both of their needs.