The Honeymoon Stage in a Relationship
What is a honeymoon phase and how long does it typically last?
The honeymoon phase is that wonderful part of the relationship when you’ve both just got together. It is as if you are both in a magic bubble and the rest of the world doesn’t intrude because you feel so connected with your new partner.
This phase normally lasts for about six months and is fuelled by passion, love and idealisation It comes to an end when the real world starts to intrude, and the novelty of the relationship starts to fade. The relationship is going from magic to reality.
What’s the science behind it (if any)?
Explaining love is something that poets have struggled with for centuries. Science shows this is the time where the feel-good chemicals, Dopamine and Oxytocin are flowing in the brain. Interestingly the stress hormone Cortisol is elevated too, showing that being in love is arousing but also stressful. After all the normal patterns have been significantly disrupted.
MRI scans show that two parts of the brain, the caudate nucleus and the ventral tegmental area are lit up when people are experiencing passionate love.
How do people know they’re in the honeymoon phase?
When people are in the honeymoon phase it is as if the world has stopped and nothing else matters. They will see all the positives in their partner and be less aware of the negatives. They will be having a hormone supplied emotional high that will make them feel wonderful and it is great to savour those feelings and anchor them for future use
Does it always end and what comes next?
Yes, it does end. Life would be very strange if that emotional high was endless. Some negatives may start to intrude, such as beginning to notice the bad breath, the messy clothes and the hairs in the sink. The novelty will wear off, magic bubble will start to fade, and real life will arrive.
The next stage is to move from just focusing on the “Us” to creating some separation and looking after the “Me” and “You” and helping to nourish these parts and helping them to grow. This is when a real, sustainable relationship needs to be created.
How can people prolong the honeymoon phase or bring it back if the energy’s faded?
They need to accept that the Honeymoon phase is wonderful but not sustainable. Couples need to focus their energies on creating a long-term loving relationship where they are creating a future together where they are aligned and working on the six key elements:
- Communication
- Connection
- Commitment
- Fun
- Growth
- Trust