Lessons for Everyone
I gave the Eulogy at the funeral of my 95 year old father 2 weeks ago. This was in three parts; The Father I knew, the Father I did not know and the lessons that I had learned after his death.
The Father I did not know was about his feelings. At the age of 18 he joined up for the Second World War in Bomber Command. I just wonder whether flying over Germany in the dark, being shot at by fighters and anti aircraft guns, whether he was a terrified little boy and had to bury his feelings. He knew the odds of survival were low and he lost many of his friends. In all the time I knew him, he never once expressed any feelings.
Here are the ten lessons that I hope will be of value to you and your families.
1. Hug your loved ones often.
Virginia Satir the family therapist says we need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 for maintenance, 12 for growth. This is proven to reduce stress, improve health and the oxytocin it releases heals loneliness and anger.
2. Tell your children and loved ones often, that you:
- Love them
- Are proud of them
3. Sort your stuff out. We leave behind three things when we die:
- Memories (People don’t remember what you did or said, they remember how you made them feel)
- Money
- Everything else is just stuff. Make sure your loved ones know what is what and let them tell you what is important to them
4. Embrace your own mortality:
- It will come; you just don’t know how or when:
- It is the end of one chapter and the beginning of another
5. Write your own Eulogy.
Live the life you want others to say that you lived.
6. Write your Will:
- It is never too early
- It is often too late
7. Carpe Diem:
- Seize the day
- Create your bucket list and live it
8. Write notes of love and appreciation for your loved ones:
- Leave these where they will find them when you are dead
- These could be worth so much more than anything else
9. Find time and space to be with your loved ones, maybe on a hilltop or on the seashore:
- Pause, be silent and see what emerges in that space
- Talk about feelings, not things
10. Take time to understand them and their model of the world:
- They are different from you
- They may even want very different things
May 2020 bring you love, fun and fulfilment.